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Loosing a pet can be a very difficult time, and the grief with this loss can have a big impact on someone's life.
The level of grief for a pet can be overwhelming for some. With this grief matching that of loosing a life partner.
Unfortunately not everyone will understand the extent of the impact this loss can affect someone, which can lead to people feeling isolated and unsupported.
A pet can play many roles in our lives. Our friend, life companion, soul mate, fur-child, confidant and support pet and therapist. Our level of connection, love and bond with them can be equal to that of a life partner, a child or a best friend.
In some cases, they fill a space in our life that can trump even our closest human connections.
They are always there, never judgemental or angry. They don't have a life outside of us, and they can be part of every aspect of our lives. They love completely and with their whole heart. They accept us exactly as we are.
This can make the loss exceptionally difficult and life altering for some.
Grief around loosing a pet can be dismissed by others that don't have the understanding of what your pet meant to you.
Understanding Grief
Grieving is a natural emotional experience that occurs with the loss of anything we hold dear.
For some it can be overpowering and be experienced on both an emotional level, and a physical level, also affecting health and wellbeing.
Grief is a process, and doesn't have a clear end. It can fluctuate in intensity, affect you more on some days than others, and different triggers can set off different emotions and reactions for you.
What are the symptoms of Grief
As the grief experience is different for everyone, you may find that you experience all of these symptoms, or there may be some that you have never experienced.
There can be emotional symptoms and also physical symptoms that occur.
You may be someone that cries easily, and spend a lot of time weeping.
You may be someone that very rarely cries, and although you may shed a tear here and there, you are predominantly dry eyes most of the time.
Grief can start as a disbelief, or numbness. You understand what has happened in your brain, but your heart has not caught up yet. You may get through the early days in a blur. You may even manage to organise what needs to be organised in the most rational and practical way.
Sadness is one of the main emotions that we expect from grief. A deep sadness that nothing can soothe. This sadness can feel like depression and have a similar emptiness.
Fear and guilt come come up for some. Fear around what comes next. What will life look like without them. Guilt around the circumstances of their death, and the "what ifs" that can arise as you process the situation.
Physically, grief can be experienced as fatigue, nausea, changes to appetite and insomnia. This can all lead to changes in your body like weight gain, or loss. Aches and pains and even a suppression of the immune system.
Feel the grief
My advice to anyone experiencing grief, is you have to feel it. You have to process it and you have to allow your mind and body to process the loss. We are compassionate and feeling beings, and the other side of great love and happiness, is great sadness and grief.
Without processing these feelings, we can block off the opportunity to experience these feelings again.
Grief is different for everyone and just because someone doesn't look as sad as you would expect, doesn't mean they are not processing their grief.
Grieve in the way that you need.
Is this with anger? crying? writing a poem or a song?
Calling your best friend or calling in sick and curling up on the couch with comfort food and movies.
Grief will look different for everyone, and processing the feelings is going to be different for everyone.
The 5 stages of Grief
As humans like to categorise and organise the experiences we have, there have been 5 main stages of grief described. Although you may experience these stages, everyone will have a different experience, and some may not experience all of them, and may spend more time in one stage than another.
These 5 stages are
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance.
I think the situation leading to the death of a loved one is going to profoundly affect the stages we go through during our grief.
Anger may be extended if we have strong evidence that someone or something was responsible or implicit in their death.
Denial may be overwhelming in cases of unexpected or sudden death in a fit and healthy pet. Such as in a car accident or other trauma.
Acceptance may come faster after a long term terminal illness, or in an older animal who has gradually been loosing vitality.
Accepting the feelings as they come up, and processing these as needed is important to move past these stages, towards moving through the acute stages of grief.
Just when you think its over, a wave of grief can catch you off guard
The rough process of grief can hit at any time. You may have moved through the stages of grief and find that you are able to function and grief is not consuming your day. You may even find yourself finding moments of joy and happiness.
Then you might hear a song, see a photo or experience something that you would have shared with them. This can trigger an overwhelming wave of grief, that completely catches you off guard.
Hopefully one day you will find that you can remember your beloved pet with a wave and warmth and love.
This is also an important part of loss and grief.
Seeking further support when needed to help with the loss and grief with loosing a pet
Although grief is a personal and individual journey we must move though, sometimes we might need some additional support to help us through.
Getting support doesn't lessen your grief, but it can help give you space and comfort during this time.
Family and friends can be a valuable support network. Holding space for you. Hugs and talking through feelings when you need.
Support groups some people may not have a supportive family. Seeking support outside of family and friends can be more appropriate.
Support groups can be a valuable resource for finding a safe place, with people that are moving through their own grief. Sharing the experience can help to normalise some of the uncomfortable feelings that come up.
Professional Support
A professional support person can come in many different forms.
A grief counsellor, GP, psychologist or counsellor can help to talk through the feelings coming up. They are also a wealth of resources to help, and can refer on to more appropriate therapists if required.
Therapists can hep with different tools and techniques to help move through the grieving process. This can be empowering and help someone to feel supported.
Other modalities that can be appropriate
Touch therapies can also be a useful tool. Humans are hardwired to need touch and connection with others. This can be what you miss most about loosing your beloved pet. They may have fulfilled this need for touch in your life.
Booking a massage, pedicure or manicure or even an appointment with your hairdresser to have a wash and blow dry can fulfil some of your need for touch and connection.
Touch from other pets and family members can also be healing. A hug can be a very powerful form of medicine.
Your Naturopath
Your naturopath can help with supporting your nervous system and adrenal glands through this time. Herbal medicine can help, and is an essential component of my grief protocol.
We are compassionate and feeling beings, and the other side of great love and happiness, is great sadness and grief.
Grief is something we will all have to deal with at some stage of our lives.
If we can find the support we need, this can help us to come out the other side.
If you need some additional support through your grief, please reach out.
You can leave a comment below, send through a message through the contact us form, or you can book an appointment for a naturopathic consultation for yourself.
Holding space for you through your grief.
Kerrie x
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