How to Stay Calm for Your Dog: Regulating Yourself to Reduce Canine Anxiety

Dogs read us more deeply than we realise. They watch our faces, notice the way we breathe, track our footsteps, and tune into the energy we bring into a room.

They don’t need words to know when we’re stressed. They feel it through a beautiful mix of instinct, bonding, and neurobiology.

For sensitive dogs or those already prone to anxiety, our state can significantly influence theirs. But here’s the empowering part: supporting your regulation is one of the most effective tools for helping an anxious dog feel safe.

Let's explore why dogs absorb our stress, how to recognise when it’s happening, and practical ways to regulate yourself so your dog can settle too. This can be such an important tool in managing canine anxiety.

When we are alert and on edge, our dogs will feel the same.

Why Dogs Sense and Mirror Our Stress

Dogs are highly attuned to human emotional states. Research shows their heart rate, cortisol levels, and even facial muscles can synchronise with their caregiver’s.

Here’s what drives this:

Emotional Contagion

Dogs naturally “catch” our emotions. Much like yawning spreads through a room.

If we’re tense, rushed, or overwhelmed, they shift into a similar internal state. Think about the last time you were around someone that was flustered and overwhelmed. How did you feel in the presence of this energy?

Limbic Resonance

This is the nervous system-to-nervous system “tuning” that happens between bonded beings. When your stress rises, your dog’s limbic system responds as if the environment is becoming less safe. This is all about survival, and living in a pack.

Predictability Equals Safety

Anxious human behaviour (rushing, raised voice, inconsistent cues) creates unpredictability. For dogs, especially anxious dogs, unpredictability feels unsafe.

Training Impact

When we’re dysregulated:

• Our cues become unclear

• Our timing is off

• We may tighten the lead

• We accidentally reinforce fear

Dogs thrive on clarity and calm, which makes OUR regulation important for THEIR regulation.

Signs Your Dog Is Absorbing Your Stress

You may notice your dog:

• Follows you more closely or “shadows” you

• Startles easily

• Struggles to settle

• Paces or becomes restless

• Yawns, lip-licks, or shakes off tension

• Shows more reactivity on walks

• Becomes needy, vocal, or unable to be alone

Sensitive dogs will show this sooner, however any dog can be affected.

Regulating Your Nervous System: The Most Underrated Tool in Canine Anxiety

Helping your dog feel safe starts with helping your own body feel safe. These simple, quick techniques work beautifully. At home, during training, or right before a walk.

1. The 4–7 Calm Breath

Long exhales soothe your vagus nerve and signal “everything is okay.”

Try: Breathe in for 4 seconds → exhale for 7-8 seconds Repeat for 30–60 seconds. You’ll often see your dog sigh or soften as you do this.

2. Soften Your Eyes and Jaw

Dogs watch our faces constantly. A tight jaw or wide eyes communicates stress. Consciously soften your eyes, unclench your teeth, and drop your shoulders.

Your dog will usually mirror this within moments.

3. Ground Yourself Physically

Feel your feet on the floor. Unlock your knees. Relax the belly.When your weight shifts from “tension” to “grounded,” your dog perceives you as safe and steady.

4. Slow Down Your Movements

Fast, sharp movements can increase a dog’s arousal. Move as if you’re underwater. Smooth, slow, predictable.

My husband used to work as a fireman, and they had a saying.

"Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast."

This means that in an emergency situation, when you slow down and act with purpose and focus, you get the job done faster in the long run.

We have all been there. The faster we try to get something done, we drop things, trip over, forget steps, and this all takes time.

This is a mantra I use whenever I feel flustered and in a flap.

I take a deep breath and repeat this. Either aloud or in my head.

"Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast."

This helps me move more purposefully. With more definitition to my actions and things can get done much faster.

5. Narrate Your Own State (quietly, to yourself)

This is more effective than it sounds.

Take a slow breath, and Label the emotion: “I’m feeling overwhelmed.” Then remind yourself that you are ok.

I am feeling overwhelmed, but I am safe"

The body immediately softens, and your dog feels the shift.

6. Co-Regulate With Your Dog

If your dog enjoys touch, sit beside them and place one hand on their ribcage.

Match your breathing to theirs.

Let both bodies settle together.

7. Reduce Your Own Sensory Load

Many anxious owners are overstimulated themselves.

Turn down noise, reduce multitasking, and take a pause before handling a stressful dog situation.

Dogs look to us for emotional regulation.

How We Accidentally Project Stress Onto Our Dogs

Even the most loving owners sometimes send “stress signals” without meaning to.

Watch for:

Tight lead tension

Dogs feel this as: “Uh oh, something is wrong.”A loose, steady lead communicates safety.

Over-soothing

Repeating “It’s okay, it’s okay” in an anxious voice can confirm the dog’s fear.

Inconsistent cues

Changing your tone, movement, or training approach when you’re stressed leads to confusion and more anxiety.

Hovering

Standing over your dog, micromanaging their choices, or anticipating problems can make them feel on edge.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfectly Calm, You Just Need to Be Recoverable

Many owners worry, “What if I’m not calm? Am I ruining my dog?”

Not at all.

Calm isn’t about never feeling stressed.

It’s about:

• Noticing your state

• Taking a moment to reset

• Modelling healthy recovery and resiliance.

When you recover, your dog learns how to recover too.

Think of yourself as your dog’s anchor: not immovable, but steady enough to help them find their balance.

A Helpful Reminder on Hard Days

“My calm is their calm. My breath is their breath. I create the safety they feel.”

Small shifts in your regulation can create profound shifts in your dog’s behaviour over time.

If your dog struggles with ongoing anxiety, reactivity, sound sensitivities, or separation stress, I offer individualised naturopathic consultations to support both ends of the lead. Addressing the emotional, nutritional, and physiological layers that affect anxiety.

If you need personalised support, for you or your dog, book for a consultation here. I work with the 2 legged and the 4 legged.

If you want to understand more about canine anxiety, I also have a canine anxiety ecourse.

Perfect for the pet owner that like to understand the whole story. They why, and the how.